


A Problem Shared

by ChucklesCPfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChucklesCPfic/pseuds/ChucklesCPfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A compassionate gesture from Tom leads to something unexpected. (A bit of a tame/mushy story from around 2003)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chakotay sat on the stool at the bar and surveyed the sea of smiling faces  
around him. Neelix had resurrected the old resort program, hoping that an  
informal setting for his impromptu 'end of hostilities' party would boost  
the crew's morale even further. Judging by their reactions, it seemed to be  
working. 

Chakotay watched the Captain as she attempted to explain the finer points of  
beach volley ball to Seven. She'd already coaxed the ex-Borg out of her jump  
suit and into a flowery dress, much to the delight of most of the male crew  
members, so Chakotay had no doubts that Janeway would succeed in this, her  
newest mission. Perhaps next time, she might even get the younger woman to  
take part rather than just spectate, he thought. 

Nearby, Naomi Wildman was giggling at her mother's attempts at building sand  
castles, and doing her best to knock them down before they were barely out  
of the bucket. Behind them, a small group stood chatting and drinking  
together and laughing at the happy girl's antics. 

Chakotay's gaze roved towards where Neelix was busy handing out plates of  
some unknown delicacy to a small queue of brave individuals. From the  
pleasantly surprised looks on the faces of the recipients, the food  
obviously didn't taste too bad. Chakotay smiled slightly, and took a sip of  
his cold beer. Everybody around him seemed to be enjoying themselves, but,  
he thought, no matter how many times he was in a scenario like this, he  
always felt alone. 

It wasn't a feeling he enjoyed, or wanted, but to some degree, he thought,  
it was probably his own fault that he felt this way. He'd taken his  
responsibilities as First Officer of Voyager seriously, and put all his time  
and energy into them. Because of that he'd never really had the opportunity  
to become close to anyone, and most of the crew regarded him as off-limits  
when it came to socialising. He was the First Officer, and was still seen as  
such even when he was off duty. Most people were wary of chatting to him in  
case they accidentally revealed something that might get them into trouble.  
For this reason most of his conversations were work-related, rather than  
pleasant social talks. 

Chakotay sighed, and drained his beer. There didn't seem much point in  
staying at the party, after all he'd sat here on his own for the best part  
of an hour now. He didn't really want to head home yet though; once his  
cabin door closed behind him he really would be alone, at least here he  
could pretend that he wasn't. Should he stay, or should he go? He wasn't  
quite sure *what* he wanted, and snorted at his own indecisiveness. As he  
sat lost in his tangled thoughts, he was unaware of the scrutiny he was  
receiving from the figure sitting beneath the tree to his left. 

Tom watched the play of emotions on the Commander's face, and nodded to  
himself. After observing how everyone seemed to ignore Chakotay after they'd  
initially greeted him, it was pretty obvious to Tom what the quiet man's  
problem was. Chakotay was lonely, and it showed. 

Tom had experienced loneliness at various times throughout his life, and  
knew how overwhelming the feeling could become. He had first-hand knowledge  
of what it was like to be excluded from gatherings because of rank. His own  
status as an admiral's son had precluded his participation in many  
activities. A lot of people had been uncomfortable with his presence, always  
expecting him to 'report back to daddy'; so they had either stayed away from  
him, or discouraged him from joining in. 

Of course, there was the other side of it too; some people only wanted to  
know him *because* of his father. They weren't interested in knowing *him*,  
they just wanted to be associated with Admiral Paris' son, and that had had  
a profound effect on Tom. Once he'd realised what they were doing, he'd  
kept his distance from everyone and loneliness had set in. He hadn't had any  
close friends until he met Harry Kim. But even Harry had been unable to  
completely eradicate Tom's loneliness; he still felt it, even now. 

Tom brushed the sand from his clothes as he stood up and decided to join  
his kindred spirit at the bar. He would end Chakotay's solitude for a short  
while, and perhaps it would help. 

Tom sat himself down on the stool next to Chakotay. "Fancy another beer?" he  
asked. 

Chakotay looked up, surprised. He'd just about decided to head home, and now  
here was Tom Paris offering him a drink. "Thanks, Tom, another beer would be  
great," he answered with a smile. 

Tom smiled back, then summoned the holographic bartender and ordered two  
beers. Chakotay shifted round to face Tom as the ice-cold drinks were placed  
in front of them. 

"Enjoying the party?" he asked. 

"Well, it's nice to see everyone relaxed after the week we've had, but I  
never really feel a part of these things; they always bring the Admiral's  
'let's put my son on parade' extravaganzas to mind, so I don't ever really  
enjoy them. How about you? You enjoying it?" 

"About as much as you are" Chakotay confessed with a grin. "I don't feel a  
part of it either." 

"Actually, I'd noticed; that's why I came over. I thought we could sit and  
keep each other company, if you don't mind, of course." 

"I don't mind at all, Tom. In fact, if you hadn't come over I'd be on my way  
back to my quarters now. I didn't really want to go home, but it wasn't much  
fun sitting here on my own." 

Tom swallowed a mouthful of beer and placed the glass back on the counter.  
"Yeah, I know what you mean," he agreed. "I'd had enough of my own company  
too." 

Chakotay looked puzzled for a moment. "Aren't you here with Harry and  
B'Elanna?" he asked. 

"I couldn't drag B'Elanna away from her engines, but Harry's around  
somewhere. Probably still chasing after Megan." 

"And you're not helping him?" Chakotay asked with a frown. "I would have  
thought that would hold more appeal for you than sitting here with me." 

"Not really," Tom shrugged. "I'm not really in the mood to find him at the  
moment. This might sound mean, but there are times when I just need a break  
from Harry. He always wants me to help him with everything. It's not that I  
actually mind helping him, but it'd be nice, sometimes, if he'd recruit  
someone else instead. And it would be great if someone could help *me* with  
things for a change." 

"I thought Harry did that?" 

"Yeah, he does, sort of. He tries anyway." 

"I don't really understand what you mean, Tom. Doesn't Harry help you with  
your problems?" 

Tom leaned his elbows on the counter, as he considered how to answer. His  
objective had been to try to help the Commander, but it was Chakotay that  
was now trying to help him. Did he really want to divulge personal details  
to the considerate First Officer? As he asked himself the question, Tom  
realised he was treating Chakotay the same way that it seemed all the others  
were; he was still thinking of him as the First Officer, and not as another  
man and a possible friend. Perhaps by answering Chakotay's question  
honestly, he thought, maybe he would be able to coax the other man into  
revealing something of himself. 

"Harry's my best friend, the only one I've ever really had actually, and he  
always offers to help if I've got problems. It's just that, no matter whose  
problem it is, mine or his, *I* always end up consoling *him*; he doesn't  
just get upset over his own worries, he gets upset over mine too. It wears  
me down at times, because not only do I then have to sort out my own  
problems, I have to convince Harry that I'm okay and sort him out as well.  
I wish someone else could do it for a change, because even when he's  
standing right next to me, the fact that I can't turn to him for real help  
makes me feel pretty lonely. I don't know if that makes any sense to you." 

"Yes it does" Chakotay replied, looking closely at Tom. "I understand how  
you feel completely because I'm in a similar position. Not with my best  
friend, because I don't have one, but with the crew. They come to me in my  
capacity as unofficial counsellor, and I'm happy to help, but when *I* have  
a problem there's no-one I can really go to." 

"You don't confide in the Captain?" 

"No, not any more. She doesn't really have much time for me now; when she's  
off duty she's usually helping Seven with her problems." 

"And I suppose you can't talk to anyone else, because to them you're just  
their superior officer," Tom remarked with a shake of his head. 

"Exactly, they're colleagues. They're not friends - I don't really have any  
of those," Chakotay stated softly. 

A beach ball came flying out of the blue and knocked the men's drinks over,  
causing both Chakotay and Tom to jump back before the cold beer could hit  
them. As they picked up the glasses and settled back on to their stools, Tom  
came to a decision. 

"I don't know about you, but I've had enough of this party lark. Why don't  
we get out of here?" he suggested. "The other holodeck's free, we could run  
something a bit quieter." 

"Okay, do you have anything particular in mind?" Chakotay asked. 

"As long as there's no sand and no crowds of people, I'm not bothered." He  
snorted lightly before continuing. "That sounds a bit daft, doesn't it?" 

"What?" 

"Not wanting people about. I've just been talking about feeling lonely, and  
now I want to get away from everyone" 

Chakotay smiled at the younger man. "That's not daft, Tom, I was going to do  
the same thing if you remember. Loneliness isn't always cured by surrounding  
yourself with crowds of people, you know. Come on," he said, standing up.  
"Let's go to the other holodeck and continue our discussion there." 

Unnoticed by everyone, the two men left and walked in silence down the  
corridor. They entered the empty holodeck, and Chakotay instructed the  
computer to run one of his private programs. 

Tom looked around as the familiar grid was replaced by wild and beautiful  
scenery, and he nodded in appreciation of the skill that had been required  
to create it. 

"Did you do all this yourself?" he asked, taking in the magnificence of the  
mountain range in the distance and the sparkling lake that lay in front of  
them. There were trees nearby that had been shaped by the wind, twisted  
until they'd been forced to grow almost bent in half. Flocks of brightly  
coloured birds screeched as they circled overhead, before darting off in the  
direction of the smaller hills to the left of the lake, and disappearing  
from view. 

Chakotay smiled at Tom's obvious admiration for the program. "Yes," he  
replied. "I've spent a lot of time on this. It occupies my mind when I need  
a distraction." 

"Well, it's wonderful, you must be very pleased with it," Tom said,  
sincerely. "The attention to detail is incredible." 

"Thank you, Tom. Coming from an expert programmer like you that's a great  
compliment. I'm not sure I deserve the praise, but I'll accept it anyway,"  
Chakotay replied with a satisfied smile. "There's a path that goes down past  
the lake, do you want to take a walk?" he asked. 

"Yeah, sure," Tom replied, looking towards the glistening expanse of water.  
He was pleased that he'd suggested coming to the other holodeck now;  
Chakotay seemed keen to show off his handiwork, and Tom was happy to let  
him. 

They followed the rough path down towards the lake, but stopped just before  
it reached the edge. A large tree had fallen across the track and barred  
their way. It wouldn't have taken too much effort to clamber over it, but  
they decided that here was as good a place to stop as any. They perched side  
by side on one of the thick branches that jutted out from the tree's gnarled  
trunk, and looked out across the tranquil landscape before them. 

"I can see why you'd want to create a place like this," Tom commented. "It's  
really restful." 

"Yes, it's peaceful here, and the solitude it offers helps me to think,"  
Chakotay said quietly. "When I have no-one to consult about my problems, I  
come here to meditate and contact my spirit guide." 

"And that helps?" 

"Yes, to a certain degree, although most of the time I would prefer to  
interact with a flesh and blood person instead; words aren't always enough,  
or what's needed, you see." 

"How d'you mean?" Tom asked with interest. He turned to face Chakotay and  
noticed a faraway look on the older man's face as he gazed out across the  
lake. 

"I long for the same kind of thing that you do, Tom; I'd like to have  
someone who could solve my problems for me sometimes," Chakotay explained.  
"But there are occasions when I don't actually feel like talking about my  
worries. As I said before, having a group of people around you isn't always  
the cure for loneliness. What *does* go a long way to solving it is having  
one person that can see into your soul and who, without being told, knows  
that you're hurting. All I want sometimes is for someone to notice that I'm  
troubled and just come up and hug me, but it will never happen. People like  
you and I always appear strong to others; they believe that we're more than  
capable of taking care of ourselves. It never occurs to them that sometimes  
we might have fears or worries that we can't cope with on our own. And it  
would seem that, because I've never embarked on a relationship with any crew  
member, they believe that I'm happy to live without the comfort of physical  
contact - that I don't need it. Well, they couldn't be more wrong. It's a  
basic human need, and I need it as much as anyone else." 

Chakotay's soft voice, tinged with sadness and longing, combined with his  
wistful expression, prompted Tom to act. Without really thinking about what  
he was doing, Tom placed his arm around the other man and pulled him close. 

Chakotay felt his eyes start to fill with tears at Tom's spontaneous  
gesture, and he rested his head on the younger man's shoulder. "Thank you,"  
he whispered, and embraced Tom tightly. 

They sat with their arms wound around each other, offering silent support  
and understanding, until Tom finally found his voice. "You're right, y'know,  
sometimes a hug is better than words," he said, pulling back to look into  
the older man's eyes. "I haven't felt this content in ages." 

Chakotay smiled. "Neither have I, Tom," he replied quietly. "But it isn't  
just the hug that's filled the emptiness within me. What's really lightened  
my spirit is the fact that you saw me alone at the resort's bar and wanted  
to help me. It's been a long time since anyone cared enough to put their own  
problems to one side and addressed mine instead. Thank you," he said, and  
leaned forward to place a quick kiss of gratitude on Tom's cheek. 

Tom laughed gently at the unexpected kiss from the normally reserved man.  
"You're welcome," he replied, and gave Chakotay a small kiss of his own. 

Chakotay chuckled at Tom's response, and gave the younger man another warm  
hug before standing up. "Come on, let's walk a little further," he suggested,  
and held out his hand to haul Tom up from the branch. 

After climbing over the fallen tree, they were able to once again follow the  
path that led them around the edge of the lake. For the next hour they  
ambled along admiring the view, and chatted incessantly about anything and  
everything that came to mind. It was relaxing and friendly banter, and  
exactly what both men had wanted and needed. 

"I've really enjoyed this, Chakotay," Tom remarked, as they finally completed  
their circuit of the lake and found themselves back at their starting point.  
"D'you think we could do it again sometime?" 

"I'd like that, Tom. Perhaps we could meet up in a few days, after the rest  
of the repairs are finished," Chakotay suggested. "If it's possible, I'll  
arrange for us to have the same day off, then we can spend a little longer  
here, if you'd like." 

"D'you think we'd have enough time to explore in the mountains?" Tom asked,  
gazing out into the distance. "I bet there's a great view from up there." 

"Well, providing no-one objects, we could always add whatever time we have  
together and reserve the holodeck for as long as we can." 

"I've only got about five hours credit, what about you?" 

"I haven't used all of last month's time yet so, with this month's allowance  
as well, I have twenty three hours available. That should be plenty." 

"You can't use all of it, Chakotay. Just match my five hours and we'll make  
do with that." 

"It's okay, I don't mind using it, Tom. I've really enjoyed tonight, and I'd  
like to spend more time with you. Please allow me to book whatever we can up  
to our joint limit, okay?" 

Tom could see this was something that Chakotay wanted to do, and he wouldn't  
dissuade the older man easily. "Okay" he agreed "But you'll have to let me  
buy you a beer or two to make it up to you." 

"I think I can live with that," Chakotay replied, smiling. He instructed the  
computer to end the program, and gestured towards the door. "Come on, we'd  
best get home. We've got a busy few days ahead of us." 

Tom nodded, and they left the holodeck, chatting amiably about their  
evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Tom groaned and rubbed his eyes sleepily as the door to his quarters slid   
open and Harry Kim walked in. "Harry? What time d'you call this?" he   
grumbled, trying to focus on the Ensign's face. 

"It's 0700. We've got an early start this morning, or had you forgotten?"   
Harry asked, crossing the room and seating himself on Tom's couch. 

Tom ran his fingers through his hair, and adjusted the robe that he'd put on   
hurriedly when the door chime had sounded. The insistent buzzing had   
disturbed the pleasant sleep that he'd been having, and he wasn't pleased.   
He sat down next to the other man and rested his head on the back of the   
couch. 

"No, I hadn't forgotten, I'm just not awake yet. My shift doesn't start for   
another half hour and I was gonna stay in bed a bit longer. Thanks for   
ruining my plans." 

"That's okay, Tom. Now you know how I felt last night," Harry muttered. 

Tom sat up straight and gazed at the man next to him. "What are you talking   
about, Harry?" he asked with a puzzled frown. As far as Tom knew, the only   
plan that Harry had had for the previous evening was to make a play for   
Megan. 

"Last night, at the party, I wanted you to join Megan, Jenny and me for some   
two on two beach games," Harry stated. "I spent ages searching the resort for   
you, but you weren't there; you'd left without even telling me. I only found   
out you'd gone when I asked the computer for your location, and it told me   
you were in the other holodeck with Chakotay. I mean, what were you doing   
with *him*, Tom, when you should have been with us? And you didn't even   
answer my hails," Harry added petulantly. 

"That's because I never got your hails," Tom replied irritably. "There's   
still some communications problems. And anyway, Harry, if I want to spend   
time with Chakotay I will, I don't have to be with *you* every minute of the   
day, I'm allowed other friends y'know," Tom said indignantly. "Besides, you   
weren't worried about me while you were chasing after Miss Delaney, were   
you?" 

"Don't give me that, Tom, I asked you to come with me and you refused." 

"Yes, I did," Tom agreed. 

It was too early in the morning for this sort of conversation and because of   
his tiredness Tom could feel himself getting angry. Usually he would try to   
contain it, but this morning he didn't have the energy or the inclination   
to. 

"Do you know *why* I refused?" he continued. "Let me tell you, shall I? All   
you ever want me to do is help you with this, or help you with that. You   
don't give a damn about really helping *me* with anything. It gets too much   
for me sometimes, Harry, and I need a break from you. That's why I didn't   
want to be with you last night. All right?" 

The anger in Tom's voice stunned Harry for a moment. "How can you say I   
don't help you? I always help you!" he finally said, his own anger rising.   
"But if you don't want me around, I can take a hint. I won't stay where I'm   
not wanted." 

Harry stood up quickly, and made his way to the door before Tom had a chance   
to reply. "I'll see you around, Tom," he said, and left. 

Tom closed his eyes for a few moments, and tried to calm down; this wasn't   
the way he'd expected this morning to begin. After the time he'd spent with   
Chakotay the previous evening, he'd gone to bed feeling happy and content   
for once, but that feeling had now been shattered. 

He took a few deep breaths, and when he'd managed to relax a little, he got   
up from the couch and headed for the bathroom. The shower beckoned, and   
after he'd pulled off his robe, he stood lost in his thoughts as the warm   
water rained down on him. 

He had always chased after Harry when they'd argued previously, but this   
time Tom decided he wasn't going to. He'd explained to Chakotay how Harry's   
actions made him feel sometimes, and this time, Tom decided, Harry would   
have to make the first move if he wanted to fix things between them. 

After drying off, Tom re-entered his bedroom. He glanced at the time and   
made a mad dash for his clothes; he'd stayed in the shower far longer than   
he'd thought, and was fifteen minutes late for his shift. He dressed   
hurriedly, and with a muttered curse, ran out of his quarters. 

As he stepped from the turbolift on to the bridge, all eyes turned towards   
him and he became the unwitting focus of attention. 

"Ah, Mr. Paris, I see you've finally decided to join us," Janeway remarked,   
as Tom went to take over at the helm. Her next statement stopped him from   
doing that, though. "You're not needed on the bridge today, the Doctor   
requires your help in sickbay. There's still a fair amount of damage down   
there, so that's where you'll be stationed until further notice." 

"Yes, Captain," Tom said calmly. 

Clearing any trace of annoyance from his features, he turned away from the   
helm and started to walk back towards the lift. As he passed Chakotay, the   
older man gave him an almost imperceptible nod, and whispered so that only   
Tom could hear. 

"How about one of those beers tonight, Tom?" he asked. 

"Sure," Tom whispered back. "I'll see you later." 

Tom realised the question had been Chakotay's way of showing his support for   
him, and he appreciated it. It was nice to know that he had someone on his   
side, and the fact that it was Chakotay came as a pleasant surprise. As he   
continued his journey to sickbay Tom felt a lot less agitated than he'd done   
before. 

His mood deteriorated again though, as the day dragged on. By the middle of   
the afternoon, Tom would have happily swapped his sickbay duty for a stay in   
the brig, just so long as he didn't have to see the Doctor ever again.   
Normally he could tolerate the sometimes arrogant and bossy EMH, but   
although he'd ignored the Doctor's self-opinionated nonsense as much as   
possible, he'd still ended up in several arguments with him. 

Now, as his shift came to an end, Tom was as irritable as he'd been after   
the confrontation with Harry that morning. As soon as the door closed behind   
him, Tom raced away from the Doctor's lair and made his way to his quarters   
to shower and change. 

As he dressed, he decided he would have to call in at the mess hall to eat.   
He didn't have enough rations left to treat Chakotay *and* use the   
replicator, so he would have to brave Neelix's cooking for the foreseeable   
future. As Chakotay was willing to share his holodeck time though, Tom   
thought that his own sacrifice of a few good meals was only fair. 

Tom smoothed his shirt down and checked his appearance in the mirror, and,   
once satisfied, he left his quarters and walked quickly to the mess hall.   
B'Elanna's team had been working on the communications system and   
everything was fully functional again, so Tom decided he would contact   
Chakotay as soon as he had eaten. 

As he entered the busy mess hall, he noted that he wouldn't need to comm   
Chakotay after all. The older man was already there, seated by himself at a   
table near the viewport. He was staring out at the stars, and idly picking   
at the half-finished meal in front of him. 

After spending a few obligatory moments chatting with Neelix about the   
evening's delicacies, Tom helped himself to some vegetable stew and crossed   
the room to the Commander's table. He was surprised to realise that just the   
sight of the calm man had helped to ease his tension, and as Chakotay smiled   
up at him as he approached, he felt himself relax even further. 

"Hi, mind if I join you?" he asked. 

"Please do," Chakotay responded, gesturing for Tom to sit opposite him. "Gone   
vegetarian, have you?" he teased, as he took note that Tom had chosen the   
same thing that he had. 

"For now, yeah. Have you seen what's on the menu tonight?" Tom responded. 

"I try not to look. Neelix puts all the vegetarian dishes at the far end of   
the counter and that's the only place I choose from. Mind you, some of those   
concoctions look pretty frightening at times." 

Tom laughed, and swallowed a mouthful of stew before answering. "Well, I   
can't imagine anything worse than what's on offer tonight. There's a choice   
of fried Harkantan jula grubs, that Neelix insists are very nutritious, or   
raw Narvellian earth worms served with rice. Given that choice, I reckon   
most of Voyager will go vegetarian tonight. I don't know why Neelix hasn't   
got the message that most of us aren't that adventurous." 

"Perhaps he likes a challenge," Chakotay suggested with a grin. "Maybe it's   
his goal to convert us all to Delta Quadrant cuisine one by one." 

"Either that or kill us off one by one," Tom pointed out. 

Chakotay smiled. "Yes, there are usually two sides to a coin, and that is a   
possible alternative," he conceded. 

"That reminds me," Tom said, frowning at his companion. "How come you weren't   
as mad with me this morning as the Captain was?" he asked. Chakotay's   
support had been more than welcome, but the reason for his concern had   
played on Tom's mind all day. 

Chakotay finished the last of his stew, and placed his spoon in his bowl   
before answering. "I wasn't mad, because I'm sure you never intended to be   
late," he replied with certainty. 

"No, it wasn't intentional. But how did you know that?" 

"Observation, and big ears," Chakotay grinned. He gazed sympathetically at   
Tom then as he explained. "When Harry arrived on the bridge this morning I   
noticed he was agitated, and then, shortly afterwards, I overheard him   
telling someone that the two of you had had an argument. I knew that would   
have upset you, and I was sure that was why you were late. I'm sorry you got   
sent off to sickbay, but I didn't think you'd want me to mention it to the   
Captain." 

"Well, you're right on all counts," Tom confirmed. "Harry and I just had a   
stupid row that'll blow over eventually, and it wasn't anything the Captain   
needed to know about. Thanks for not mentioning it, I appreciate it." 

"You're welcome, Tom. Now why don't you finish your stew, because rumour has   
it that there's a couple of beers in Sandrine's with my name on them." 

Tom grinned, and tucked into his meal as he considered the man in front of   
him. Chakotay seemed so different to how he'd been the night before, Tom   
thought. The lonely air that had surrounded him then had gone, and had been   
replaced with a more light-hearted one. Tom was pleased, not just because of   
Chakotay's change of mood, but because his own had lightened since sitting   
down with him. As he remembered Chakotay saying how the emptiness inside him   
had been filled, Tom hoped that the transformation wasn't just temporary,   
and that maybe it really *had* been down to him. 

Chakotay watched Tom finish his meal, and smiled. Tom was good company, he   
thought, and he hoped Tom felt the same way about him. He found the   
variation between serious and humorous conversation refreshing, and hadn't   
felt so relaxed with someone for a long time. They'd learnt a lot about   
each other in their short time together on the holodeck, and Chakotay really   
hoped that his new-found friendship with Tom would grow, and that they would   
learn a lot more. 

Tom placed his spoon down and looked up at Chakotay. The older man seemed   
to be lost in his thoughts, and Tom grinned as he waved his hand in front of   
the other man's face. 

"You in there?" he asked. 

"Sorry, Tom," Chakotay apologised. "Are you ready to go?" 

"Yep, come on, let's go find those beers," Tom said, reaching across the   
table to squeeze Chakotay's arm. 

Chakotay smiled, and patted Tom's hand. "I won't say no to that," he   
commented, and stood up. 

They disposed of their empty bowls, and spoons, and wandered out of the mess   
hall to holodeck one, where the Sandrine's program was running. There were a   
few groups of people, mostly junior crew members, dotted around the room,   
but there was a quiet spot on the far side of the bar. After procuring a   
couple of cold beers, Chakotay and Tom headed in that direction. 

They sank down side by side on to the wooden bench and leaned back against   
the wall. As they enjoyed a moment of comfortable silence, Tom sipped at his   
beer and found himself sneaking glances at Chakotay over the top of his   
glass. 

In all the years that they'd spent on Voyager, Tom realised that although he   
had obviously seen the Commander hundreds of times, he'd never really taken   
notice of him until the previous night. He'd been surprised by his   
observations. 

He'd always had a vague picture in his mind of a strong, capable man that   
had no time for anything except work; and while some of it was true, Tom now   
knew that there was much more to Chakotay than that. 

He *was* strong, but he was also vulnerable to loneliness. The solitude that   
everyone assumed Chakotay wanted was forced upon him by his position as   
First Officer; it wasn't what he really wanted. 

Tom had also discovered that although Chakotay *was* capable, he wanted a   
break from responsibility at times. Like Tom, he wanted to have someone sort   
out his problems for him on occasion. It wasn't really too much to ask for,   
Tom thought. 

Chakotay was also kind, considerate, and generous. He was a good man, but   
all in all, Tom decided, he wasn't as tough on the inside as he appeared on   
his handsome and controlled exterior. 

He was a gentle soul that craved a friend; someone who would show him that   
they cared. Even though Tom had only spent one evening with him, he'd   
already begun to regard Chakotay as a close friend, and he was determined to   
prove that to the older man. 

As Tom continued his silent evaluation, Chakotay glanced his way and noticed   
how preoccupied Tom seemed. "Is everything okay, Tom? You look a million   
miles away," he commented. 

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," Tom replied, placing his glass on the table. "I just   
got lost in my own thoughts there for a moment, a bit like you did in the   
mess hall," he said with a grin. 

Chakotay studied Tom carefully. "Is there anything I can help you with? I   
will if I can, you know," he offered sincerely. 

"Thanks, Chakotay, I know you would, but I'm okay," Tom replied. Then a   
thought that he'd had earlier in the day came back to him, and he addressed   
the older man again. "Now that you mention it, though, I *was* going to ask   
you a favour." 

Chakotay's face became serious, and he gently placed his hand on Tom's   
shoulder. "Anything, Tom. Just ask," he stated. 

"Okay, but don't take this the wrong way or anything," Tom warned. 

"I won't, Tom. Just tell me what's on your mind," Chakotay said with concern.   
He couldn't imagine what it was that seemed to be making Tom nervous. 

"Well, it's just that your name's a bit of a mouthful, and after a few   
drinks it's going to give me problems, so I was wondering if you'd mind if I   
shortened it occasionally." 

"Shortened it to what?" Chakotay asked, intrigued. 

"Well, it's the middle part I'll have trouble with, so I thought about   
leaving that out and calling you Chay. Is that all right?" 

Chakotay gave a small chuckle and gazed up at the ceiling. "Chay," he   
repeated. He smiled to himself, then smiled broadly at Tom. "Chay's fine,   
Tom," he replied, looking pleased. "Although I don't think I'll bother   
shortening *your* name further," he added. 

Tom smiled. He hadn't been entirely sure that Chakotay would react   
favourably to his suggestion, but he was pleased that he had, and that his   
ploy seemed to have paid off. He'd had a hunch that no-one had ever given   
Chakotay any kind of friendly nickname before, and judging by the man's   
bright smile and sparkling eyes, it was obvious to him that he'd been right. 

"So, Chay," Tom said, emphasising the new name, "When do we get to go back to   
that beautiful holodeck program of yours? Are we likely to get time off   
soon? I know there's about another half a day's worth of repairs to be done   
to sickbay, but what about the rest of the ship?" 

"It shouldn't take much longer, Tom. The most urgent repairs have all been   
carried out, there's just minor things that need doing now. I'm hoping to   
schedule our break for two days time. I've already checked the holodeck   
availability, and we should be able to book around twenty hours there;   
providing no-one complains about it anyway." 

"That's great. I'm really looking forward to exploring those mountains with   
you," Tom said, holding Chakotay's gaze for a moment. 

"So am I, Tom," Chakotay replied softly. "I think we'll have fun." 

Tom smiled, then signalled to Sandrine to fetch two more beers. As they   
picked up the glasses that she brought them, Tom tipped his towards   
Chakotay's. 

"To friendship, Chay," he said warmly, as their glasses touched. 

Chakotay smiled and repeated the toast. "To friendship, Tom." 

They both took a long drink of their beer, then spent the rest of the   
evening enthusiastically discussing their plans for their upcoming trip to   
the mountains.


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay's door chime sounded, and he called out from his bedroom for his visitor to enter. 

The door slid open to admit Tom. He was dressed in comfortable walking clothes, and carried a backpack. "Chay?" he called out, "Where are you? Are you ready yet?"

Chakotay emerged from his bedroom, with his own backpack slung over one shoulder. "Yes, Tom, I'm ready. Did you collect the food from Neelix?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I had to refuse some of it. He'd packed enough for a week's stay in the desert rather than twenty hours on the holodeck."

"He gets pretty enthusiastic at times, doesn't he?" Chakotay remarked with a small laugh.

"Yeah, he does," Tom agreed. "But, despite some of the things he expects us to eat sometimes, he's a sweet guy really."

Chakotay smiled, and gestured towards the door. "Shall we go? We don't want to be late for our reservation."

"I still don't know how you managed to book twenty hours in one block, but I don't want to miss a minute of it. So yeah, let's go," Tom answered.

They left Chakotay's quarters and made their way via corridors and the turbolift to holodeck two. As they stood outside its locked doors, Chakotay called for the time.

"The time is 1059." The computer informed him.

"One more minute," Tom commented happily, "and then the holodeck's all ours until 0700 tomorrow."

Chakotay smiled. He was pleased that Tom was obviously keen to spend time exploring his program with him; because he, in turn, was looking forward to the younger man's company.

When the holodeck door opened a few moments later, the men entered. As he'd instructed, Chakotay's program had started as soon as the time reached 1100, and, after initiating a privacy lock, the men adjusted their packs in readiness for their walk to the mountains.

"You need to tighten that strap a little more, Tom," Chakotay noted. "It's quite a long walk, and you'll soon be sore if you don't."

"I don't think I can reach it now. Could you do it for me?" Tom asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Yes, of course," Chakotay said from behind him. "Hold still a minute, and tell me if I tighten it too much, okay?"

Tom nodded, and Chakotay reached around to carefully straighten all the straps on Tom's pack before pulling hard on the loose one. "Is that okay?" he asked, once he'd adjusted it to his own satisfaction.

"Yeah, that's a lot more comfortable. Thanks," Tom said, turning around to face Chakotay.

He caught the older man's gaze, and they smiled warmly at each other before Chakotay patted Tom on the arm and nodded towards the mountains. "Let's get going then, shall we?" he suggested.

Tom nodded in agreement, and they set off towards the distant peaks.

They didn't follow the path that they had done the last time, instead Chakotay pointed out a track that cut through a sea of tall grey-green grass. It led towards the small hills at the foot of the mountains, and was wide enough for them to walk side by side.

They ambled along in companionable silence, with the sun warming their backs and the breeze bending the grass in waves around their feet. The peacefulness of their surroundings was broken only by the occasional chirping of birds in the trees near the lake, and large crickets that leapt from their path as they strolled along.

It was a pleasant and enjoyable walk, but it took almost an hour to reach the hills and by that time both men were ready for a rest. As the tall grass gave way to a shorter variety, they spotted a stream ahead, and the ideal place to take a break. They shrugged off their backpacks and sat down in the shade of a small tree that stood close to the stream's edge.

A sudden movement caught Tom's eye, and he smiled as a large brightly-coloured dragonfly darted out across the water.

"Did you see that, Chay?" he asked. "It was beautiful."

"There's another one over there," Chakotay said, pointing to a spot a few yards away from where they sat.

Tom looked where Chakotay had indicated, and a bright smile spread across his face as he spotted the second dragonfly hovering just above the quiet edge of the stream, its almost translucent wings shimmering in the sun.

"This is wonderfu,l" he said, turning to look at Chakotay. "I don't think I've ever seen a more realistic program."

"I'm glad you like it, Tom. Your opinion means a lot to me," Chakotay said sincerely. "And if you wouldn't mind, there's some unfinished parts that I'd like your help with sometime."

"Well, I don't really think you need me, but, if that's what you want, then I'd love to help."

"Thank you, Tom, because I do need you," Chakotay said quietly. He leaned back against the tree then, and closed his eyes, as he suddenly realised the truth of what he'd just said. He did need Tom. Not just for his help with the program, but as a part of his life.

Ever since the resort party, he'd spent every spare moment with the younger man and they'd quickly become very close. He enjoyed Tom's company immensely, and had no desire to return to the perpetual state of loneliness that he'd felt before they became friends. He was happy now, and he didn't want that to change. If Tom ever turned away from him, he didn't think he'd be able to handle it, and the thought scared him.

Tom stretched out on the grass and stared up at the wispy clouds in the otherwise clear, blue sky above him. Chakotay's words filled his mind, and he wondered what the older man had really meant by them. Was it only his help with the program that Chakotay needed him for? Or was it something else? Tom thought he knew the answer, but, as yet he wasn't certain.

He glanced across at the older man and noticed a slight frown clouding his face. He could tell that Chakotay was deep in thought too, and wondered what he was thinking. Was he worried that one day they'd no longer be friends? Because Tom would never allow that to happen.

He'd found himself feeling very protective towards Chakotay since the night of the party, and he didn't want the gentle man to have to go things alone any more. And while he'd done his best to be a good friend to Chakotay, Tom acknowledged that the other man had helped *him* greatly too.

Tom's own sense of isolation had left him now that he had Chakotay's support. He knew that whatever problems he might encounter, Chakotay would always be willing to help.

Even though they'd only spent the last few days together, Tom now regarded Chakotay as his closest friend and he didn't want to lose him. He would be ready to listen to whatever was troubling the older man, but he sensed that Chakotay himself wasn't sure yet what it was. Tom thought it would be best to keep quiet for now, and decided to try and distract Chakotay from his musings. With this in mind, he got up and walked across to dip his hand in the cool, clear water that trickled gently over the large stones scattered on the stream's bed.

"Are there fish in the stream, Chay?" he called across to the silent man leaning against the tree.

Chakotay opened his eyes and gazed at Tom bending down at the water's edge. "Yes, there should be somewhere, Tom. Why? Did you want to go fishing?" he asked with a smile.

"No, I was just wondering," Tom replied, and wandered back to the tree. "How long will it take to get across these hills? D'you think we should go yet?"

"If you're ready we can go. It will probably take about another hour to reach the base, but it's still a relatively easy walk. As for the mountains themselves, we have a choice of two routes. We can decide which to take when we get there."

"Okay, let's go then," Tom said, and held out his hand to Chakotay. The older man accepted it with a smile, and Tom helped him up.

They grabbed their backpacks from the ground and, after putting them on, set out on the next stage of their journey across the hills.

The soft grass they walked on was springy under foot, and was sprinkled with small, dainty flowers of white and blue. The breeze was fresher here, and, despite the warm sun, the occasional gust sent small shivers through the men as their path took them higher.

They walked on, chatting about the various insects and plants that caught their attention, and stopping now and then to take a closer look at them. As they followed the path upwards, the grass eventually grew sparse and they found themselves walking across rough ground.

They had travelled a fair distance and, as Tom turned around to check how far, his foot found a patch of loose stones and he stumbled and fell heavily to the dusty ground.

"Are you okay, Tom?" Chakotay asked worriedly. He bent down to check on Tom's condition, and frowned with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wasn't watching where I was going," Tom replied with a snort.

After making sure he was okay, Chakotay slipped his hand under Tom's elbow and helped him to stand. The younger man's blond hair was covered in specks of dirt and tiny stones, and Chakotay reached up to gently brush it all away. Tom stood still as each tiny piece was removed and, when the last of the dirt had gone, Chakotay smiled.

"That looks much better," he remarked, and dropped his gaze to Tom's sparkling blue eyes.

"Thank you," Tom said softly, and smiled at the slightly bewildered statement that flitted across Chakotay's face.

It was obvious to Tom that Chakotay hadn't really thought about what he'd been doing; he'd just acted instinctively and his actions were only now sinking in. Tom wondered how long it would be before Chakotay admitted to himself what Tom now knew for sure; that Chakotay cared for him as more than just a friend.

"Perhaps we should have our lunch now, Chay," Tom suggested. "It must be about time because my stomach's growling."

"Mm, we could," Chakotay answered distractedly, and he crossed to a small patch of grass on the edge of the track and sat down. He sighed as he gazed down at the ground and ran his fingers through his dark hair.

Tom could see that Chakotay was troubled, and he decided that he would have to get the older man to talk. He walked over and sat down in front of the frowning man, and touched him gently on the shoulder.

"Chay? What's the matter?" he asked quietly. "Do you want to tell me?"

Chakotay shook his head slowly and looked up into Tom's concerned eyes. "I don't know, Tom... it's just," he stopped and sighed, then tried again. "Nothings the matter really but... I just don't know how to put this into words."

"You told me a few days ago that it isn't always words that are needed, remember?" Tom said gently.

"Yes, I remember," Chakotay replied.

"So take your own advice, Chay, and tell me without words," Tom urged.

Chakotay nodded. "I'll try, Tom," he said "but it won't be easy." 

He took several deep, calming breaths and briefly closed his eyes. Then, nervously, he leaned forward to place a small, tentative kiss on Tom's soft lips. It felt right, but he was unsure what the younger man's reaction would be and he pulled back to look hesitantly at Tom.

"That wasn't so difficult, now was it?" Tom said gently. "But there is something I have to tell you, Chakotay," he stated, as he looked deep into the other man's dark eyes.

Chakotay felt as though his world was crashing down at Tom's use of his full name; it was something the younger man never did any more, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Tom, really. Don't tell me that we can't be friends any more. Please," he pleaded quietly.

Tom reached out to gently stroke the distraught man's cheek. "I'd never say that, Chay. But I do have to be honest with you, okay? This is something that you definitely have to know."

Chakotay gave a small nod, and Tom continued.

"It's just that... and I don't know if I'm being presumptuous here but... I've never had a male lover before," he said softly.

Chakotay sighed and looked down at the grass. "And you don't want one," he said in a quiet, resigned voice.

"No, Chay," Tom said quickly, "it isn't that. I want you, it's just that... I don't properly know what to do."

Chakotay looked up into Tom's face that was flushed with embarrassment. "Then that makes two of us," he said quietly. "Because I've never had a male lover before, either."

They stared at each other for a moment as their situation sank in, then the absurdity of it hit them and they both burst out laughing.

Tom pulled Chakotay to him, and they hugged each other tightly. "I guess we'll have to make it up as we go along," he said, smiling.

"I guess we will," Chakotay agreed, and this time he was less hesitant as he claimed Tom's lips and kissed him tenderly.

As the minutes passed, the wind picked up around them until they were covered in a cloud of dust blown from the track next to them. Chakotay pulled back, and took in the conditions.

"I think we'd better get moving, Tom; it's getting too windy here. Let's get to the other side of the hill and stop there; it isn't far and it will be more sheltered."

They clambered to their feet and retrieved their packs as the wind continued to whip up the dirt and dust. They walked quickly, and within fifteen minutes found themselves on the opposite side of the hill.

As Chakotay had said, it was more sheltered here, and the grass was thicker again. There were several large rocks that jutted up out of the ground to make a natural windbreak. They also trapped the warmth from the sun, and the men decided that this was where they would stop.

They disposed of their packs and sank down on to the soft grass. Chakotay lay back, and pulled Tom with him. "I've been thinking," he said, quietly. "It's actually pretty amazing you know."

"What is?" Tom asked, propping himself up on one elbow to look into Chakotay's eyes.

"The fact that, at our ages, we've found something we've never done before," Chakotay replied, caressing Tom's cheek gently.

"Yeah," Tom agreed with a smile. " That is amazing. We must be the oldest 'virgins' on the ship."

Chakotay laughed and rolled Tom on to his back. "Virgins," he repeated, and kissed and nipped the pale skin of Tom's neck until they were both moaning softly.

Tom ran his fingers through Chakotay's dark hair. It was still covered with a fine film of dust, and he brushed at it as Chakotay had done to him.

"Y'know, when we decided to come to the holodeck," he murmured. "I thought it would just be the mountains that we'd be exploring, Chay."

"So did I, Tom," Chakotay replied with a small laugh. "But I think this is more worthy of exploration than the mountains."

"Too true," Tom agreed. "And this is something that I'd like to explore for a long time to come."

"Well, we've got a lot to find out, Tom, and plenty of time to do it," Chakotay said softly. "In fact we've got the rest of our lives."

As the sun shone down on the grassy patch on which they lay, the two men wrapped their arms tightly around each other and embarked on what they would later recall as their first day of a lifetime of exploration together.


End file.
